I’ve decided to start recording a few of the funny, or memorable, short stories from my route.

“Mouse in A House”

One day I was driving in my truck and received a call from the office. A current semi-annual customer in Cerulean, Kentucky, had a mouse, and she was phobic of them. The office insisted she was petrified, and was considering leaving home until the mouse was gone.

Between jobs, I immediately headed out of the small town of Cadiz towards Cerulean, what usually seemed like a fifteen minute drive through the country.

A little background on Cerulean. There aren’t that many houses between Cadiz & Cerulean, maybe 40-50. Some may recognize the name Cerulean, as up until recently the old quarry there was rented and used by scuba-divers. At the turn of the century, Cerulean, meaning “Blue Skies”, sported a decent sized hotel, a railroad depot, and medicinal springs. Unfortunately a town fire and the interstate system had long ago turned Cerulean into just a small rural community of maybe 100 residents.

I turned past the old quarry and headed immediately to the house. There were no cars present in the driveway, so I figured the Mrs. must have indeed become afraid and left. She had given me permission to use the hidden key, so I went immediately to work carrying two large armloads of bait boxes and glueboards into the residence. After all, I figured, this was an emergency to her, everyone has a phobia of something, and the sooner the creature was gone the better.

It’s always a little odd to me to be in someone’s house when they’re not home, but I’ve done this for years, and you just get used to it. In the early days, I might take notice of the decor, the colors on the walls, the books on their bookshelves, but after enough years, I just don’t really care, they could have a pet gorilla in their house, I don’t care…just want to get the work done in the most professional and thorough manner possible, and note any problems of which they’re not aware.

So here I am, way out the in country, the only house around, crawling on my hands and knees looking behind furniture setting traps and tamper-proof boxes of rodenticide. I look under and inside the cabinets in the bathrooms and the kitchen. About fifteen minutes in, I’m starting to feel confident about the situation, because I’m not finding any rodent feces so I figure maybe there is just one mouse and he/she just came inside recently. After a while, I’ve set about 10 rodent boxes, and probably 1/3 or 1/4 case of 72 glueboards. I start to leave a note, and as I’m trying to remember the customer’s name it hits me.

Wrong house!

The house I should have gone is about two miles on the other side of Cerulean. Oh dummy me! My heart starts to quickly beat, and I feel a warm sensation come over my body, warmer than the sweat I’d already broken trying to find this mouse. What if they come home and I’m in their house like a big dummy, then what? Sure, they’d understand after all the explaining, but who needs that on a late afternoon, we’re friends, but not like best friends. I think they would have had a good laugh about it, but I chose just to leave it be.

I high-tailed it over to the other house, now running low on supplies because I used so much at the other residence. Sure enough, the customer was home, and still fairly petrified, so did the best we could, I think in the end I was able to solve it fairly quickly.

Coming soon:

“How my wife met me…In an old folks home.”
-And why she is still waiting on me to finish that first pest control job years later.

“Cornered & *1* Place to Go”

“Yellow Rubber Boots & A Whisk Broom”

“The Dead Mouse is in the Wall – There! (cut)”

“Snakes in the Library”

“Water Running & No-One’s Home – in December”
also, “I saved you money, turned off the hot-tub”.

“Termite Tubes Bigger than a Fist (usually pencil sized)”

“Must you keep 10 year old food…when you’re a millionaire?”

“Flush the Toilet, When the Water’s On”
also “Some Carpenter Flushed the Toilet, It was running for weeks”

“Drilling into an electrical line”

“We Call this Gold the Monkey”

“Key broke in the Lock”

“Dog Eats Truck”

“Wild Cats Hate Water”

“Skunk in the Crawlspace – under…”

“I found cat”

“Opossum in the Ductwork”

“Raccoon in the roof. And maggots on the bed”

“Horrors in the Crawlspace”
including stories about “Live smoking electrical wires, raw sewage, 15 open wire splices in a tiny box, thin lamp cord powering a whole slew of circuits comes loose, Olympic sized swimming pool (under the floor), open well in front of crawlspace door, main beam supported by a tree stump, etc., etc.”

“Skunk Finds His New Home”

“Truck Blows a Plug – ChoooChooo -PopPopPop back to town”

“We Always Use Your Services, once every year”
-The matching coffee cups was a nice flair for a discount

“Why the Drains don’t Drain in Most Restaurants”

“A Fly is not a Fly”

And these aren’t even all the stories that I’ll probably be able to remember, but they’ll be a start. /p